The Night I Became a Chopstick Graffiti Artist

One of my duties around the house is to set the table. Most nights mommy lets me know when dinner is close and then I know it’s time for me to set the table. A few nights ago, I decided to set the table without being asked. It’s the least I can do around the house, right? I even figured I’d be nice to my lil’ brother and instead of giving him a regular spoon, I gave him his new car spoon. While digging through the silverware drawer I came across my chopsticks and thought I’d use them for dinner, too. We were having soup, sounds like a good idea right?

Once the table was set, mommy served my soup. I greeted her with a smile and cheerfully chatted with her as she walked back into the kitchen to get the rest of my meal and drink. All the while I was busy…

Busy etching into the dining room table with my chopsticks.

Upon Mommy’s return with my glass of water, mommy greeted me with “what did you do to my table”. I was initially speechless.

Yes, I thought it would be ok with mommy and daddy if I carved art into their dining room table. Needless to say, I was wrong. Mommy has always said she picked this table so that in 50 years from now we can all sit around it and remember our fond memories of time spent there together. Well, I just gave us something to talk about in 2061.

While eating my dinner, I told mommy that I did it because “I was trying to make a mat and I didn’t have any paper”. I think she saw through my excuse. She calmly told me that she was going to spend dinner thinking about my punishment.

When daddy got home, I had to do the dreaded – tell him. When mommy said I had to show daddy what I did, I told her “I’m too tired to tell dad”. She made me do it anyway.

I guess she really did spend dinner thinking about my punishment because then she made me to go bed early. I told her I couldn’t go to bed because “I was still thinking about her privilege”. I think I meant her punishment… So I told her I was going to send her to her room for 80/20 days. She seemed to like that idea.

She marched me to my room, I tried to tell her she couldn’t come in my room, but she said something about how she owns my room and she would be coming in. I told her she didn’t own the room, that I did. But she seems to think I am just borrowing the room. I told her I wasn’t borrowing it that I own it, but she said that she and daddy bought this house and that means she owns my room and she can enter it whenever she wants. So I told her – “Houses don’t cost money, that’s what I learned”. So there, she didn’t buy my room after all.

While getting ready for bed, mommy started taking all the fun stuff out of my bed – Barbies, books, tinker fairies, animals, and more. I started to get it – I’m in TROUBLE. So I did what any rational 4 year old would do, I told her “I’m going to use my money and buy a cage and put you in it for 13 days.” Any idea where I can get a cage big enough for a mommy?